i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
