Jerry, you need to find god
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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