It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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