well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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