I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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