Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize