We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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