sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
