she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
