trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
