I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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