is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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