pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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