Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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