I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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