I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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