i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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