I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
