She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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