Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
