I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
