It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
