my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
