you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
