You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
