i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize