I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
