I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
