Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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