Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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