I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
