I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
