we have pet lesbian snakes
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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