that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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