If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
