I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
