it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
