I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
