Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't think brook has ever known best
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize