Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
