Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
