I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
