you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
