New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
