I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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