I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
