thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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