my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
