idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
