Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
