I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
