I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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