If that was your dad, he is hot
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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