Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize