my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
