Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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