you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize