i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
