your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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