I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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