He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I party with great urgency now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
