I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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