Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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