I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
