just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
