He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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