i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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