I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize