Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
