yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
