i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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