Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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