Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
