Heybabeimwearingurpanties
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
