Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Be still, my beating vagina.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
