I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He's a Shit stain on my heart
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
