Sponge bath it is.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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