As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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