I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
