There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
