I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
