xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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