so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
