I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
