On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
