Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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