Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize