You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
