He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
