my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
