we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Boobs speak an international language.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
