I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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