We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Send help, water and tortillas.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
