found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
