I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
