I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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