Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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