ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There's always time for handjobs
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
