So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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