mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Come back. Shots need mouths.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
