I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
