I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
