tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize