so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
