She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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