Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
being pregnant is like rehab
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
