Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
