I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
