my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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