Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
