when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He felt like a one man threesome
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
