So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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