He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
